I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
