At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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