Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
