Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
