i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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