My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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