are you still at the devil's house?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
