i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
