perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
