quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
