Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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