I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
