Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
