bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
