Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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