if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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