Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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