my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
