What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
