nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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