just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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