Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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