Got a toothbrush?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
