I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
