Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
