My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
