a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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