Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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