I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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