Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Green mimosas i think yes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
