Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
