I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
