Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
