we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
