Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
