Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize