we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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