I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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