I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
