Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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