Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
