O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
