So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
