I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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