Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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