Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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