Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
