You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
