I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
