So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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