Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
