Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
