If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
