It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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