In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
