he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
