Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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