You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
