You're my little dorito
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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