i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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