We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
