You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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