I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
