Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
