there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize