btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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