If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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