the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
