Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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