She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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