I got chris browned last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
