Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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