Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
