I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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