Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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