i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
