Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
