I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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