I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
