lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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