we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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