I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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