i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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